


221bemine Cracky Valentines

by hardboiledbaby



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes (1984 TV), Sherlock Holmes (Downey films), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: AO3 1 Million, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardboiledbaby/pseuds/hardboiledbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically like it says on the tin: a tetrad of cracky Holmesian Valentine's Day ficlets, in various 'verses. Originally posted on Tumblr's #221bemine tag.</p>
            </blockquote>





	221bemine Cracky Valentines

I.

**John:** Roses are red—

**Sherlock:** That is shockingly imprecise. Roses are not only red, they are white, yellow, pink...

**John:** Sherlock

**Sherlock:** ...purple, even black, although what most people refer to as black roses are...

**John:** _Sherlock!_

**Sherlock:** ...more accurately— Hmm? What?

**John:** Happy Valentine's Day, you git.

**Sherlock:** Ah. I love you too, John.

 

II.

**Watson:** Holmes, what on earth have you done to Gladstone now?

**Holmes:** Not a blessed thing, old boy, I assure you. Well, nothing today, at any rate. I’m fairly certain.

**Watson:** Then why is he, er, overly excited? I’ve never seen him so… energetic.

**Holmes:** It’s Valentine’s day, after all. Perhaps he is merely glad to see you. As am I.

**Watson:** Don’t tell me _you_ intend to start humping my leg as well.

**Holmes:** …

**Watson:** …

**Holmes:** I’ll wait my turn.

 

III.

**Sherlock:** For you, John.

**John:** It’s… a heart.

**Sherlock:** Yes!

**John:** A real… but not human.

**Sherlock:** No, it’s a cow’s heart. Molly wouldn’t give me a human one, and I was a bit pressed for time.

**Sherlock:** Well, do you like it?

**John:** …

**John:** The lace is a nice touch.

**Sherlock:** Happy Valentine’s, John.

 

IV.

**Watson:** …beaten and beheaded, you say.

**Holmes:** Yes. Martyred, or so legend would have it. Quite the gruesome tale.

**Watson:** Indeed. Upon my word, Holmes, you do know how to take the romance out of Saint Valentine’s day.

**Holmes:** Ah, but you have enough romance for the both of us.

**Watson:** Do I?

**Holmes:** Of course! You are my Donne as well as my Boswell.

**Holmes:** *Jeremy Brett does that thing with his face*

**Watson:** Well, perhaps I do.

**Holmes:** *Jeremy Brett does that _other_ thing with his face*

**Watson:** *smirks*

Mrs Hudson, tray in hand, pauses on the stairs

*laughter from the sitting room, then* _THUMPETY THUMP THUMP THUMP_

**Mrs Hudson:** *sighs* And before tea time, too.

*turns around and goes back downstairs*


End file.
